- Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
- Cashier: Are you 18?
- Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.
A news station was interviewing a man who lived near a dangerous intersection. It is known for an inordinate number of car crashes.
HE JUST KIND OF STEPS BACK
“oh see there you go son”
BALLS OF NONCHALANT STEEL
Lmao my man so calmly smoking his jack
Me Giving Fucks
oh gosh hell no
I look like an extremely professional fashionable woman in an Abaya. It probably took me AGES to look this professional right?
WRONG. I’m actually wearing my onesie underneath it and you will NEVER KNOW MWAHAHAHA
Wanna know another secret? Even though i LOOK like I’m paying attention to whatever nonsense you are saying…..
I AM ACTUALLY WEARING HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC
A number one dad, ten out of ten, Dad of the year, gettin laid all year this year, best dad ever, you did it.
is it me or did the dad lose 200 pounds in 5 seconds